-BY GWEN RANDALL‑YOUNG
As parents, we should not be swayed by what other parents allow their children to do. Parenting styles differ for many reasons. Some parents are more lenient when their child has older siblings, and the parents have been “broken-in” somewhat. Other parents had a lot of freedom when they were young and see no reason not to give the same freedom to their children.
Other parents do not want their children to grow up too quickly or be exposed to things they are too young to make wise choices about. Children differ in their maturity levels, and this too will be a factor in what parents allow.
Often a parent may not have a strong argument against an activity, but just has an intuitive or “gut” feeling. It is your parental right to use your good judgment and trust your intuition.
Just saying “No!” without any discussion can be very frustrating to young people, as they often truly see no reason they should not be allowed to do whatever it might be.
Allow the child to state his or her point of view, and to responsibly advocate for what they want. This is part of growing up.
By all means discuss with your child your reasons for saying “no.” They will be more likely to respect your decision if they understand your reasoning.
There may be safety concerns. You may not want your teen to be driving with a newly licensed friend. Explain that the driver is not experienced and there is a higher likelihood of an accident, especially if the driver is distracted by friends in the car. Share that if something like that happened, you would never forgive yourself.
Ask them to restate your reasons for denying them, to see if they understand where you are coming from. Let them know that as they get older, they will be allowed more leeway.
Listen carefully for signs that your child is growing in maturity and responsibility. When you hear that, you can begin to give a little.
Remind them that in time they will be adults and will not need to ask anyone’s permission. These are the in-between years, and they will win some and lose some, but the bottom line is that they are your responsibility, and you take their safety and well being very seriously, because they mean the world to you.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
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-Ideas and opinions expressed here are those solely of the author.
