The helmet was only there to protect his thoughts, thankfully, having no effect on moving metal. I’d much rather stick with a dirty old snap-back cap.
I’d actually forgotten that it had a couple of cool vehicles in it. The flamed Chevy van with the good rake and bubble windows was cool, but my personal favourite is the yellow Duster driven by Peg the Avon lady. It’s very plain, and although I’m not great at guessing, I think it was a later one from the mid-seventies. Likely a slant six, but it wasn’t the star of the movie, so the details just weren’t there. The real star was Johnny Depp, playing the part of Edward, a guy who was cursed at virtually every daily task aside from cutting hair and trimming shrubs. I remember on an episode of Seinfeld, Kramer was discussing Edward Scissorhands with the barber when he mentioned he’d like to have shoe horns for hands in the typical bizarre and nonsensical Kramer fashion. If I were to have some sort of superhuman power, I wouldn’t even have to think twice about what I’d want. Magneto from X-Men. Done. Final answer.
Is this the ultimate choice? Probably not, but it’s what I want, and I don’t care. The GM S-Series is a long way from the ultimate pickup truck, for example, but it’s where my personal tastes lie. Just think for a few minutes what it would be like to be able to manipulate metal using only the mind. Rust repair? Easy. I wouldn’t even need to buy patch panels. Anything would do. Thinking even more outside the box is making something out of nothing. I had a random guy in Princess Auto tell me to use coat hangers as cheap TIG filler material when doing non-structural welding, get a whole box of them at Value Village for almost nothing, he claimed.
Expanding on that idea, having the powers of Magneto, I could turn a box full of coat hangers and old cutlery into a ‘32 Ford body. Old bent aluminum wheels and pots and pans could be blower parts. Since this is mad rambling anyways, let’s get WAY outside the box, where the mind could change cam profiles, cylinder bores, compression ratios, everything. Heck, why even run the engine on the highway when I could propel the vehicle telekinetically? That’s the end of fuel consumption and exhaust drone. Lame parts could be morphed into cool parts, there’d be no more beard fires with no more welding, and I’d never have to sand body filler again if I properly honed my skill. From an unlimited list of fictional characters who can fly, read minds, live forever, etc. I choose the guy who can only do metal—final answer.
Have a question or comment for Kelly? Post it at lmtimes.ca/kirk
